Patissez Singapore: Do Their Freakshakes Really Bring The Boys To The Yard?

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Hailing from Australia, the land from down under, Patissez, the original creators of Freakshakes/Over-the-top Milkshakes, arrived in Singapore quite shortly after the craze had died down.

The craze might have died down, but my love for milkshakes sure hasn’t. So, curious to know if these pioneers truly are the real deal, I set out to see if their milkshakes were good enough to, as Kelis says,”bring all the boys to the yard”.

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To refrain from excessive sugar levels in their milkshakes, Patissez uses less ice cream and freezes their milk instead to make up for the thinner consistency of using just liquid milk. That might be great for those without a sweet tooth, but I’m pretty sure all milkshake fans (e.g. me) are on Team: I scream for ice cream.

They currently have four Freakshakes on their menu: Pretzella, Mint Condition, Muddy Pat, and Sneaky Freak, each going at $16 a glass. These shakes are all chocolate-loaded, so I wouldn’t exactly say that there’s a large variety to cater to everyone seeing as to how they’re all cocoa-themed.

patissez mint condition

We ordered the Mint Condition, a supposed crowd favourite, and its looks really do deliver. With a mint chocolate semifredo and chocolate cookie sandwich sitting atop mint whipped cream and chocolate fudge precariously dripping from every angle, I’d say the Mint Condition is pretty over-the-top.

You ordered mint? You get mint. Order the Mint Condition if and only if you worship mint, have mint coloured walls in your room, and carry around a bag of mint candies wherever you go.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t finish this one; it got overwhelmingly minty about a quarter cup through.

patissez muddy pat

Muddy Pat is a chocolate shake with chocolate ganache, vanilla mousse, a chocolate fudge brownie, and a torched house-made marshmallow piled on top of it.

Judging from the slanting tower of its over-the-top top, I had high hopes for Muddy Pat, but Pat didn’t quite deliver the pat-kage.

Maybe it’s our sweet tooth talking, but we felt like it could’ve been sweeter and thicker, the brownie could have been fresher as it was a bit dry and hard, and the marshmallow, despite being torched, looks much softer than it actually is.

patissez pretzella

Our favourite out of the three we ordered is Pretzella. Like how Godzilla took over Tokyo, this one took over our hearts. I like how Pretzella is the least fancy-looking one,  but hides its true flavour-kicking freakiness inside.

The underlying hazelnutty flavours in this milkshake when had with Nutella straight out of the jar, is a perfect blend of sweetness and creaminess.

Just when you think it might be a little too sweet, the flavours and texture of mildly salty, crunchy pretzels swoop in and balances the scale wonderfully.

I highly recommend getting Pretzella. She’s the one who will “bring all the boys to the yard”.

Patissez, being the creators of these over-the-top milkshakes that took the world by storm, do have pretty-looking milkshakes, but should maybe stick with having more ice cream in the recipe. If their Freakshakes tasted as good as they looked, I could even see them reviving the over-the-top milkshake trend in Singapore.

Maybe not all the milkshakes are capable of bringing the boys to the yard, but people, go to the yard for the Pretzella. She’s well worth it.

Expected Damage: $16 – $25

Patissez Singapore: #01-06, 118 Holland Avenue, Singapore 278997 | Tel:6262 3616| Mon – Wed: 10am – 6pm , Thu – Fri: 10am – 10pm, Sat – Sun: 9am – 10pm | Website